Is There a Bully in Your Life?

Is there a bully in your life?

Yes, I’m sure there is - because bullying behaviour is ubiquitous. It’s part of human nature. We are part of the animal kingdom. Just as a pack of dogs has an alpha dog, and there’s a pecking order in a chook house, some humans sometimes harm others.

In humans, the psychological process is “moral disengagement”. Their normal moral standards are bypassed, allowing them to dominate or harm others without conscience.

It helps to label the behaviour, rather than the person - so I will use the term “bullying behaviour” rather than “bully”.

You can learn how to spot bullying behaviour, and you can minimise your exposure to bullying behaviour. Here are four key ways:

·You can connect with others. A bully will never pick on a well-connected person. They look for social isolation.

·You can up-skill yourself. Public speaking, or any sort of personal growth. Learn to stand on your mana.

·You can change your own attitude. You can manage your own energy. You can accept that some people sometimes behave badly, and design your life around minimising exposure to bullying.

·Above all, you can learn. Research.

1. How and What to Research?

If you use the voice-to-text function on your phone rather than the voice-to-text function within your AI app, it’s far quicker than typing, yet it still gives you time to think about how to word the question as you’re asking. With AI, if you are very specific with your questions and give plenty of context, you will get better answers. Here are some topics you could research:

• Understand the dark four personality types that cause harm to other people. Sociopath, narcissist, sadist, and Machiavellian. Know the signs.

• Ask AI how to recognise these behaviours. Yes, once you recognise them, you will see them everywhere, perhaps one in 20 people. Perhaps some of them are close to you. If you are interested, click the link to watch this interview on Diary of a CEO, Leanne ten Brinke.

• Ask AI how these personality types are drawn to the victims. Is it possible to change the way you are coming across? Bullies have a keen sense for detecting a person who is less well connected, one who travels solo.

• Learn the rules of negotiation. You can learn how to always put yourself in the stronger negotiating position. For example; always have a Plan B - be the person most ready and able to walk away. Align yourself with powers greater than yourself, for example, the law - or workplace rules.

Here is my mind shift. Instead of trying to identify bullies, focus on identifying risky situations. Ask AI about risky situations. Some situations enable bullying and even protect bullies. For example, some workplaces. Maybe the bully is valuable to the employer, - difficult to replace? And you can absolutely control which situations you choose to put yourself in or remove yourself from. This has been the most successful tactic in my life. I’m very careful about what situations I put myself in. And I always have a Plan B. An alternative. In any situation, the party who is most ready and able to walk away is the party that holds the strongest negotiating position, - the most personal power.

If you are the recipient of bullying behaviour by a family member, taking control of this situation might mean moving out and visiting only on your terms.

2.You can upskill yourself. Learn how to formulate your thoughts into words more easily and more powerfully by learning public speaking or any type of personal growth. Strive to be better. “Underperformance” is ammunition for a bully.

3. Change your own attitude.

·Dwelling on injustice or revenge is unhealthy. “Anger will poison the vessel that contains it.” It’s a waste of your energy. Trust Karma; it will take care of things.

• Manage your own energy your aura, energetic barriers. Imagine you have an aura, an energetic barrier that extends 1 m around you. Imagine you can control the permeability of this barrier. You can control whether you pull it in close for example in a crowded train, or whether you let it expand to take up available space, for example; when you’re walking on a beach. Learn to make that barrier either totally waterproof or semi-permeable - you can choose what gets through, it’s real, it’s yours and you can control it.

• You can replace unhelpful beliefs with helpful beliefs. You can choose your beliefs for example you may believe that people should be kinder. And replace that belief with some people are just not nice. If you accept that, you can move on from it. I once read a book called “Useful Beliefs” by Chris Helder – I highly recommend it.

4.Connect with others.

A bully is usually looking for a person with fewer social connections with other people.

·Build relationships; it’s worth the effort in more ways than one.

• Find a mentor to confide in.

• If confidentiality and privacy are important, use a helpline. They are there to help.

• Have you ever heard this? “Take a good look at the five people who are closest to you, because this is who you will become”. With this in mind, start recruiting! Be selective about who you share your time with.

• Once again, I remind you that a person can increase their personal power by aligning with power greater than themselves.

My own personal story. Being autistic is like having a target painted on one’s back. I encounter bullying behaviour regularly. As I have gotten older, I have become much quicker to recognise it, and have found ways to prevent and manage bullying behaviour. My most successful tactic is to be very careful about “situation”. As in, the circumstances within which I interact with other people. For example, I would be very fussy about joining a workplace, committee, or social group of any sort. I would find out about the “culture” before committing. And I never have all my eggs in one basket, therefore protecting my strong negotiating position by retaining the power to walk away. I always have good alternatives lined up. Plans A, B and C.

For example, I can protect myself from workplace politics by becoming more employable. keeping a current CV, full of qualifications and excellent references. This is a solid long-term plan that could allow me the flexibility to leave a toxic workplace if need be.

In summary - is there a bully in your life? Yes of course. Bullying behaviour is part of human nature. Like many lessons in life, this situation may keep presenting itself in different forms until a person learns whatever it is one needs to learn.

In this short article, I have suggested some things you can learn, some skills you can develop, attitudes you can adopt, a strategy to connect with others, and how to always put yourself in the stronger negotiating position in any situation. These are my personal thoughts only, and this is not personalised advice. Please seek professional help if you need it.

If you build your personal power before you need it, then you will no longer be the easiest target for bullying behaviour.

Good luck!